"She didn't plan any of this. She didn't plan on anyone finding out but she couldn't hide it forever. She broke..."
She had been bullied all her life. In Pre-K to Elementary she didn't have two front teeth because she knocked them out on a piano at two years old... In middle school she was that chubby, ugly girl that all the skinny, pretty girls hung out with so they would look better and then at the beginning of high school she was the weird emo girl that dated the man-whore that had three other girls.
Those were just names that other people called her... There was one really important bully that she could never tune out. Herself.
She could never seem to shut off the little voice in her head that told her she was worthless and that no one could ever love her. That was the loudest and most relentless bully of all. That bully barked death threats at her and drove her to think about ending it all, ending all her misery. But if anything scared her it would be death. She had a future planned, she didn't want to miss that.
He used to fight for her. He made her abandonment and trust issues fade away because she knew that he would always be around. They promised to stay close after high school but maybe he just said that so that he would keep the abandonment issues at bay. He never kept that promise. At least not yet, they have seen each other a few times but there was always something there. The voice inside her head screaming "Where the fuck were you? Why didn't you keep in touch? Why can't you love me?" and his eyes staring at her apologizing again and again.
She used to have a knight. She used to think that knights didn't come any shinier than he did and then her knight never showed up to awaken her from a deep sleep.
Now, people no longer find things to pick on her for. They no longer have anything to say that will hurt her... But the voice inside her head still doesn't stop. That voice still tells her that she's the reason he left her, and that no one could ever love her. When she tells her friends they don't listen or they play it off as a joke. She is tortured everyday and no one can hear her cries for help. So she stays silent because silence is a girls loudest scream.
She looks up to Demi Lovato because she knows what she went through and Demi has given her the strength to keep going.
She doesn't tell this story to many people... I know about it because I am this girl.
I've survived the bullying and I'm still fighting because I know that life is worth living. Don't end it just for other people or the little voice in your head. It will get better, I promise.
