My Pyro

Reset Button

"People are really romantic about the beginnings of things. Fresh start, clean slate, a world of possibility. But no matter what new adventure you're embarking on, you're still you. You bring you into every new beginning in your life. So how different can it possibly be?"

It's all anyone really wants, right? A chance to go back and change something in their lives. Clean slate, a new beginning. Like things are gonna be any easier the second time around. There's a reason no one is going out of their way to make a reset button, nothing is easy about starting over. No one wants to go back and live through everything that made them who they are, again. You wouldn't be you, you would be the old you. The slightly dumber version of yourself.

I wouldn't wanna go back, it would suck. I used to be extremly self concious and crazy, I don't wanna go back to that. I don't wanna go back to the suicidal thoughts or depressions. That's not what I love.
I love living in the moment.
Waking up, looking in the mirror and saying "Wow, I'm beautiful."
I love being so confident it makes me seem cocky.
Feeling like everyone in the room is looking at me.
Most of all, I love the people that are in my life now.

Being a teenager is hard, why would anyone wanna go back?

I like living life in the moment, it's so much better than a new start. Mistakes make us stronger.

Alone

"No man is an island"
Bullshit

Everyone feels like this at one point in their life. Like there is no one who really understands you and like you're alone. An island. There is no one that can even try to relate to you or what you're going through.

I've really tried to get rid of this feeling, tried to distract myself with everything else but it never seemed to work. At the end of the day the feeling would crawl back to me. I tried to drown this feeling in every kind of alcohol I know, even in the mornings when the feeling was beginning to affect my mood. I didn't want people to know that I was feeling this way, it was kind of embarrassing. At this point, I really don't care anymore, I just wanna get back to how I was feeling two weeks ago. Happy.

 "I always said I'd be happier alone. I'd have my work, my friends - but someone in your life all the time? More trouble than it's worth. Apparently, I got over it...There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever." ~Meredith Grey (Greys Anatomy)

My best friend left without a word, a lot of my family is dead, and I don't feel like people actually care sometimes. I just feel like people act like they care to make me stop talking and, to be honest, it does make me stop because I know people are only acting. I'm getting used to being on my own but it's not a good feeling, knowing you're content with being alone, it kinda sucks.

For The Love Of A Daughter - Demi Lovato

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejV8eGY_emA&feature=related

Fire

"I love you but I've chosen Pyro"

Fire is the most amazing thing in the world to me. Light a candle and a fire is beautiful and gentle but, at the same time, a fire can be deadly. It's kind of exciting. At any moment that candle can fall and your house can be up in flames and your life can be in danger.

It's the thrill of being so close to something so dangerous yet beautiful that gives me a thrill.

Happy Days Are Here Again

It was quick and easy. I didn't cling. Sometimes I amaze myself with how strong I am. Not trying to be cocky, I'm just being honest.

I'm amazingly happy and I don't think anything can get in my way now.

Break Ups (Kinda)

Usually I try to stay friends with people but I'm not sure about this time. I've said it many times before, I'm being used, it didn't surprise me when I found out.
At least we weren't officially a couple, my feelings didn't get too serious.

It kinda sucks, you know? When you put all your hope into one thing just because you think it will work out and then being disappointed.

Battles with Myself

I can't make up my mind.
I give up on you but I wanna keep trying, it's confusing. I literally walk around all day just thinking of what would happen if I gave up on you... and then I would think about what would happen if I didn't.

You know, I wish someone wrote a book, "How to Survive as a Romantically Indecisive Teenage Girl", that would help a whole fucking lot.
Are you using me? Am I just so afraid of being hurt that I second guess everything?
It's funny, usually I can take a chance without any questions. I live for the thrill of things, but I guess sometimes I go too far.

Risks I Have Taken:
Loving someone: Check.
Clinging to that person: Check.
Giving a peace of myself to that person: Double Check.
Having that person leave without a word: Check.
Trying to forget him completely and failing miserably: Regrettably, check.

So maybe that's it, maybe I'm so afraid of all that happening again. Being left alone. After all, history repeats itself, doesn't it?
Or maybe I've just given up completely on relationships?

Second Resort

I already spent two years feeling like this.
Feeling like I'm just the person that they use when they want something committed.
Like I'm being used.
I know, it's not your fault, but I can't help this feeling.
When my ex moved to Mexico I thought this was going to be different, but it's not because you're making me feel the same way that he did.
This sucks.