Out of Nowhere

I can't do this. I can't not talk to you. I can't pass you in the hall, & pretend I don't care.


There are some thing's that you never see coming. If there is one thing I have learned, thing's happen unexpectedly. One minute you're good friends, and the next, he's the person you can't be without. 


The other part that you don't expect is the whole "Let's not make this obvious" act. So we go around acting like we don't know each other, until we get a moment alone, when we all of a sudden know everything about each other. 


I can't stand being in that kind of relationship with someone, but at the same time it's kind of exciting. Tricking everyone around us that we're not close and at the same time having this arsenal full of each other's secrets and wishes. 


Then, out of nowhere, thing's work out and we decide to tell people. That's when reality hits us and we realize that this might have been the biggest mistake we've ever made. 

Dreams vs Reality

"I had a dream..."


I had a dream that my parents got divorced, it kind of got me curious about relationships. I feel the need to get involved. I begin to ask questions about relationships and because I get very excitable about things like this, I get carried away. 


I learned that my Forensics teacher is divorced, my English teacher may be engaged, my Math teacher has a wife and three amazingly smart kids, and a couple that I know are having problems and it's only the first month or so in their relationship. 


Maybe it's because I don't have anything to distract myself with right now, it's not like I have a boyfriend that I'm constantly wrapped up in or anything. I just have Me, Myself, and I. 


So forgive me if I get carried away with the curiosity. I just need to distract myself for a while. Yeah, that sounds about right.


I normally act like I don't care about relationships. I normally just dismiss them or say something smart like "Eh, I give it a month" but lately I seem to feel like everything will work out for the better. I think my dreams are triggering this hopeful feeling. 


I bought this book about dreams and their meanings and every morning I check to see what my dream meant. Lately my dreams have had something to do with love or luck. Yeah, the dreams are definitely a big part of my hopefulness. Definitely.

Goodbye Euphoria

"Hey Lauren, do you know what happened to Marco?"
"He went to Mexico..."
"Oh, really? I didn't know that"

Nothing stays perfect forever. Just when you think you got everything figured out, everything changes.

Why couldn't you tell your friends that you left? Why do I have to do all your dirty work, huh?

Leaving without saying goodbye was a big mistake.

What did you think was gonna happen? People would just forget? They'd ask your cousins? They wouldn't care?

People do care, that's one thing you need to learn. They won't ask your cousins, they're gonna ask the ex-girlfriend that you spent two years involved with.

You didn't think this through, I'm not going to be the bearer of bad news anymore.

Love And Other Things

I take the car and drive the night
The white stripes blur and ease my mind
When all that's left is a single line
Instead of this confusion
And I'm not certain of the way it was
And I'm not sure what I could of done
Oh but I wonder if it had been enough
To stop her from leaving
And I realize the only thing I know is
She said"I'm in love with some one else" she said
"I fell in love with some one else and I,
I'm in love with some one and that's all that I know for sure"

You never forget you're first love. True. You move on but somehow no one can ever be better than that one special person. Sometimes, this can get in the way of relationships, it bites at whatever relationship you try to build until it's gone.

I guess thats a risk you take when you fall in love with someone but it's not really a choice to fall in love, is it? It's just something that happens and before you know it you gave a peice of yourself to that person.

Lover, n.

Oh, how I have hated this word...I have never wanted a lover.  In order to have a lover, I must go back to the root of the word. For I have never wanted a lover, but I have always wanted to love, and be loved

I guess love is a good thing though, it makes us stronger. For those of us who aren't lucky enough to have that person in our lives forever, love is the worst because we begin to fear the heartbreak. We become so afraid that we hesitate to start a relationship with everyone because we're afraid that person will become too important. What if we fall in love again, and it falls apart? We might not make it.

Some people think sex is the most important thing in a relationship. No. It's really not. I'm living proof of that. I spent two years with someone without any of that, we thought about it and even talked about it but never did it. It's so stupid. It just makes everything worse cause then when they leave they get to tell everyone that they saw you exposed. Now thats no fair, is it?

And then there are couples who do nothing but fuck. Every time they hang out, all they do is fuck. Can't people just have a normal conversation anymore? Just hang out?

I get it, it's nice. It feels good but it's pathetic when thats ALL you do.

"Silly boy, there's no such thing as love. Just different levels of 'feels good'..."

It would be so much easier to be single. I'd rather be unhappy alone than be unhappy with someone. That's a problem, I don't want to be alone.

This is a problem.