End

"1 week and 2 days" 

For the next couple days this sentence will run through my mind until the end has come then it will be the first day of the rest of my life.

Changed

"Prom has changed you... Not even, you changed 3 weeks before prom..."

Do you remember what happened 3 weeks before prom? Do you remember my best friend betraying our friendship just because he was jealous? I guess not. 

At the beginning of May my best friend and ex prom date decided that he wanted to argue with me about every little thing regarding money for prom. He has a job and he never had any money because he was probably buying weed and alcohol for his new "best friend." I'm way too smart for his lies so all the "bills" he had to pay for didn't fool me, the bitch didn't have a job but always had weed... How the fuck do you think she was getting it? 

After I told him I didn't want to go with him to prom he got angry and decided that since I hurt him, he was gonna hurt me. He made up a relationship that I supposedly had. I'm not going to go into details.

The only person that got into trouble was him and thats because when he told me that he made the accusation he harassed me. I had the texts and showed the school administrators. After all the crying and all the meetings to deal with this problem that this CHILD caused I was emotionally drained. 

So yes, if I seem a little different since that please don't hold it against me. I don't think you realize what it's like to go through that... To see this person that you were so close to in a totally different light. I don't think you understand the magnitude of cutting someone out of your life, especially since I've known that kid for 4 years. That's 4 birthdays, 4 Christmases, 4 thanksgivings that we spent together and in one day I had to cut all of that out of my life. Now I see him in the hallway and I can't help but get angry, not because of what he did but because I never got the last word in... That's my problem, I like to have the last word in an argument, I didn't get to do that this time... I think that's why I'm so "different."

I promise, I'll be better once we graduate and that child is out of my life... For good. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was going to wait until I graduated to write about this but I just couldn't hold it in anymore. 

Enjoy :) 

Prom

It was the night I had been dreaming about ever since I was 6 years old. The first night in my life where I have to get dressed up from head to toe just to pose for pictures and dance the night away. Even though I didn't get to see some people that I wanted to see I had an amazing time with my friends.

For my after prom a group of us went to Seaside Heights, NJ. It was good times and bad. The good times were all the times where I hung out with the people who actually cared about me, not the people who decided to stay in their rooms the whole time and be antisocial. The bad times didn't happen until the last night when we went to the boardwalk. Long story short, I finally saw peoples true colors... They were fucking hideous.

18

I used to say that a birthday is just another day. "It's nothing special" I used to say. Whenever April 19th came around it was no big deal. Notice I keep saying it in the past tense.

Turning 18 has changed things for me. I feel more grown up and my relationships have changed. It's no longer "Ew he's 30 and way too old for me" it's normal. Age became just a number and now whatever relationship I have, no matter the age difference (only older guys though, younger would be gross), society will accept it.

I feel more content with my life right now.


I can also go clubbing... So, boo ya.

1,000

I finally did it, with the help of my friends, I made it to 1,000+ followers on Twitter. It's an amazing feeling. To know that there are 1,000+ people out there that want to hear what I have to say when in reality there are only a handful of people in real life who want to.

It's nice to know that people are listening.

I can't thank you guys enough.

I love you.

Dear M, Love L

"No, please, you can't leave me again!"

I had a dream that you came back. You were living with me for some reason and I was happy. Then some spanish version of Angelina Jolie came and was forcing you to go back to Mexico. All I remember is chasing after you wanting you to stay and then watching you look back at me as your car pulled away.

For a while I thought it was all real, and then I woke up. I've been thinking about that dream all day and I figured out that I'm afraid. I miss you all the time. Not as my boyfriend but as my best friend. The person I could joke around with for hours.

I'm afraid of people leaving. Yeah, I know, no one likes goodbyes but it bothers me how afraid of them I've become. Maybe it's the fact that you left without saying goodbye, you just packed up and left and now I don't know if you really will come back or not.

You should've said goodbye, that wasn't fair.

I'll be 18 in a week. If I could have one wish it would be to see my best friend one more time. That's the only birthday present I want. 

Right Through Me

"You see right through me, how do you do that shit? 
You let me win, you let me ride, you let me rock,
you let me slide and when they looking,
you let me hide, defend my honor, protect my pride
The good advice, I always hated but looking back,
it made me greater..."


You know me so well. For some people it may seem like you know me too well. You knocked right through my walls that I tried so hard to build. I didn't want you to see the truth. 


I never truly believed that I tried to push people until you came and opened my eyes to what I had become. 
I became someone who never admitted to love because of my fear of losing something else I loved. Someone who pushed people away just because goodbyes are easier when there are less feelings and memories behind them. 


Will I ever grow out of this? Probably not. Am I happy that you came along? Yes, a thousand times, yes. 


So here goes nothing... I love you.