Right Through Me

"You see right through me, how do you do that shit? 
You let me win, you let me ride, you let me rock,
you let me slide and when they looking,
you let me hide, defend my honor, protect my pride
The good advice, I always hated but looking back,
it made me greater..."


You know me so well. For some people it may seem like you know me too well. You knocked right through my walls that I tried so hard to build. I didn't want you to see the truth. 


I never truly believed that I tried to push people until you came and opened my eyes to what I had become. 
I became someone who never admitted to love because of my fear of losing something else I loved. Someone who pushed people away just because goodbyes are easier when there are less feelings and memories behind them. 


Will I ever grow out of this? Probably not. Am I happy that you came along? Yes, a thousand times, yes. 


So here goes nothing... I love you. 

I promised...

"I always said I would never write a love song, but I ended up doing that anyway" ~ Amy Winehouse


I promised that he was going to be my last time getting that close to someone. I promised that I wouldn't let anyone in again. I promised that I would never say the words "I love you" to anyone else because it was too painful when those words turned to "I hate you".

I promised that I would never admit that I missed him.

That all happened anyway.

Granted when I told you I loved you it was more of a friendly thing and you had said it first but there was a hint of right in those words. I could possibly see myself feeling that way for you but there's no way I'm brave enough to admit it to your face.
Yes, I do miss him, all the time. What did you expect? He was my constant for two years, he was my rock. You helped me out of the mess I was in when I was having trouble coping with his absence and you became my rock, my constant, my everyday.
I don't like the fact that I'm getting so close, I don't want to cling to anyone anymore because it destroys me when they leave.
I'm afraid of all of it.

I promised I wouldn't be afraid... I ended up doing that anyway.