Children

I don't want children. People in my life constantly remind me of this because of how immature they are.

You're my best friend, you know that, but I've told you time and time again that I am not a shoulder to cry on. I have my own problems. You want me to comfort you just because he hurt your feelings? Spare me.

We're all growing up... What the fucks going on with you?

I promised...

"I always said I would never write a love song, but I ended up doing that anyway" ~ Amy Winehouse


I promised that he was going to be my last time getting that close to someone. I promised that I wouldn't let anyone in again. I promised that I would never say the words "I love you" to anyone else because it was too painful when those words turned to "I hate you".

I promised that I would never admit that I missed him.

That all happened anyway.

Granted when I told you I loved you it was more of a friendly thing and you had said it first but there was a hint of right in those words. I could possibly see myself feeling that way for you but there's no way I'm brave enough to admit it to your face.
Yes, I do miss him, all the time. What did you expect? He was my constant for two years, he was my rock. You helped me out of the mess I was in when I was having trouble coping with his absence and you became my rock, my constant, my everyday.
I don't like the fact that I'm getting so close, I don't want to cling to anyone anymore because it destroys me when they leave.
I'm afraid of all of it.

I promised I wouldn't be afraid... I ended up doing that anyway.

Disney Movies Ruined Everything

This has been spoken about many times. All girls say the same thing, Disney movies ruined our perceptions of life.

More specifically the Disney Princess movies.

First off all these girls are, like, 16 and they fall in love right away with their prince. What the fuck is this?! There is no such thing as love at first sight. Finding a prince and falling in love is the main goal for these girls. Really?! You can't find anything else to occupy yourself with?

Second they ruined the way I look at my hair. Jasmine has thick hair that goes down to her ass... I spent my entire childhood trying to get that hair. Guess what? It didn't fucking happen. Pocahantas had perfect hair all the time without a hair brush. Ariel's hair had to come from a bottle... No one is born with fire engine red hair. Belle tied her hair with a ribbon... Try to fucking do that, it doesn't work. Mulan cut her hair with a sword and it was perfect, I got a hair cut in freshman year and it just got perfect now... In senior year.

Third these girls were fucking sluts! Jasmine fell in love with a homeless boy and she always wore that slutty genie halloween costume. Snow White lived with seven midgets. Ariel wore a sea shell bra all over the place. Sleeping Beauty fell in love with a boy who kissed her while she was asleep. Not to mention Belle was screwing a dog.

Finally they taught me to fear old, fat, ugly people. A lot of the teachers I've had over the years have been old, fat, or ugly and they were okay. They're usually either sweet, adorable, or fucking crazy... But they were okay.

80%

So, you're here but you're not. They told me they were kidding, "He's not coming back, I just wanted to see how you would react"
Oh wonderful, I freaked out for nothing. Perfect.

80% of me was relieved that it was a joke because I was afraid of getting all the feelings I had for you back but then there's that twisted 20% that wanted to see you again.
Everyday that 20% looked for you, hoped to see you one more time, just so that I can say everything that I bottled up to you. Every feeling, every tear, every 'I love you', everything that I locked away in the safe I call my heart.

I had a dream about you, it felt so real. It was nice to hang out with you, hug you, talk to you, and see you again. I wanted that to happen in real life but it's only a dream, right? Dreams don't come true, do they?

If you need me, I'll be here, in White Plains. You stay in Puebla, Mexico and change you're god damn Facebook location because every time I see it my 20% gets it's hopes up.

To You, From Me

"Old soldiers don't die, Hank, they just fade away..." ~ Gabe Cunningham




I'm not gonna lie, I changed. The only reason I'm writing this blog right now is because I dropped some people and I never gave them a reason. So, I'm hoping that they randomly stumble across this and understand that it's too hard for me to tell them in person.
I figured this will help with your confusion. The last couple weeks you've been trying to ask me why I don't talk to you and I keep walking away. I'm trying to disappear and you're not letting me. So here's my explanation, now let me fade away:

I felt like our friendship didn't mean as much to you as it did to me. I felt used, like, I was the person you came to when you were fighting with your parents, girlfriend, friends, guardian, or when you needed food. I'm pretty good at listening and I always have food but when it came down to you demanding that I give you homework to copy just because you were too lazy to do it, that was it. I had it. Not only were you demanding it but I wasn't even in school that day so I didn't even know what the homework was.

You don't put effort into anything and then you complain when things don't go the way you wanted them to go. It's a problem. You complain when there are rules. You're never fucking happy. People are constantly worried about you and there's never a thank you or anything.

When you 'disappeared' for a couple days I was worried. Then out of the blue, here you are and you don't even acknowledge me. So I sat there in an office with our Economics teacher and fought back tears that were pointless. I shouldn't have been surprised. I was happy that you were okay but a "Hey, thanks for worrying" would have been nice. Once selfish, always selfish I guess.

So after graduation, we go our separate ways. I'll graduate from high school, go to college, and make a name for myself out there in the real world and you'll continue to skip school to stay in bed or smoke weed, barley graduate because you decided not to go to Economics (It's required to graduate, in case you didn't know), not go to college, and work three jobs all while living in La La Land. Simple.

I love you, you were one of my closest friends but I need to walk away. You make me make stupid decisions, I need to be friends with real life not all the alcohol I pour in my system. So I'm saying goodbye.




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I poured my heart into this one guys, I had a lot of feelings and I needed to let them out. Hopefully this will help anyone who may be in this same dilemma. See, I have a bad habit of bottling up things but I just needed to get this out there.

The quote is from a video game but I thought it was one of the best quotes I have heard in a long time and it kinda worked with this post.


Enjoy :)