Resolution

Last year I made a resolution for 2011. I wanted to be in love with someone. We'll that happened and although it was a tough time and I didn't exactly enjoy myself... I'm happier for it. Things turned out for the better.

This year will be tricky. I'm not sure what I wanna accomplish yet, I'm happy with how things are right now... Kind of. Maybe I do have a goal, we can only see in the long term.

All I can say is... I hope my dreams as of late mean something.

Well, I'm not sure what this is gonna be, 
But with my eyes closed all I see 
Is the skyline, through the window, 
The moon above you and the streets below. 
Hold my breath as you're moving in, 
Taste your lips and feel your skin. 
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly. 

New Year

2012 is here... It's kind of a scary thought, if you really think about it. In 5 or 6 months I'll be graduating and heading off into the world. A world full of college and work. Weird.

I never really liked New Years, too crowded and loud for me. That is, when I go out.

Yeah, I'm spending New Years alone this year... Again. Not by choice, there's just no one free tonight that I would want to spend New Years with. It's perfectly fine. I just want this vacation to be over with.

Ba hum bug.


Hope you all enjoy your night.

I'm Still Here

"I'm still here, I'm still here, I'm still here"

I was bullied as a little kid. Many people made fun of me because of my uncontrollable curly hair and my missing two front teeth. People didn't know how I lost my teeth, they just knew that I looked like a weirdo. They didn't know that I bumped my mouth into a piano because my shoes were slippery when I was 3. I waited until I was 7 to get my teeth back. I didn't tell anyone that story because I was embarrassed. I was already seen as the girl with poodle hair. It got to the point where I thought about suicide for years, but I was too afraid to end everything. In the back of my mind, I believed that things would get better. I was right.

There was an assembly today, a man named Dr. Michael Fowlen came and spoke about bullying. He did impressions of these characters that appear one way and have a whole other side to them. At one point he began to act as a child with special needs.

I began to cry because I started thinking about my cousin, David. I thought about how kids might have treated David and what they must have called him. They may not have called him David, they might have just referred to him as "that kid with Cancer." David died before I was born and even though I never knew him, I still have those days where I sit in my room and cry because he is one person that I would give anything to meet. Let's face it, kids are ruthless, if they see someone who's different they will pick on them until something serious happens to that person. I can only hope the kids didn't hurt David in any way.

Despite everything that I have been through, I'm still here, walking tall. I'm not the quiet defenseless girl that I used to be, I have a voice, I am confident, and I am brave. I wake up in the morning and tell myself that I am beautiful and so what, I don't have a boyfriend, I will find someone who will love me for me and not for someone I try to be. So I want you to read this poem, it's called "I'm Still Here" by Langston Hughes:

Been scared and battered.
My hopes the wind done scattered.
Snow has friz me,Sun has baked me,

Looks like between 'em they done
Tried to make me

Stop laughin', stop lovin', stop livin'--
But I don't care!
I'm still here!

You are all beautiful, don't ever forget that.

Christmas is Here Again

Here it is, Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year.

It's time to see family again, give gifts, and relax.  I can't wait to see everyone again.

Christmas is the only time of the year where there is no fighting, no tears, nothing but laughing with my family.

Used

I didn't become your friend so that you can use me.

Get the fuck over yourself.

Realizations

"He loves you, Lauren..."
"Well, I don't return the feelings"


Now you love me, after all this time, now you love me.  I spent 2 years thinking that I loved you and convincing myself that I felt all these feelings for you. I was stupid. 


Sure, now that I'm no longer around you suddenly acquired all these feelings. I guess it's true what they say: 
"You don't really know what you've got till it's gone"


I realize now that I didn't really love you. I wasn't in love with you. I don't think I ever will be. I was only in love with the thought of being in love.

Fuck your feelings. I'm so much better now that you're gone.

Dream Zoo

My name is Lauren Iannucci and I am addicted to Dream Zoo. 

It all started when my favorite teacher showed me the game.
"You were made for this game"
"Ok, sure"
When he excitedly explained the purpose of the game I thought it sounded really really dumb and childish. Then I started to play it and got hooked right away.

I started to tell my friends about it and they all thought it was really dumb and childish, big surprise. He showed me this game on Monday, it seems like I've been playing for years but in reality it's only been a week.

My zoo is alot bigger than it is in the picture, that's just the only picture I have of my zoo. I now have Yeti's which I'm really excited about. Yay Yeti's!


Yeah, now that I wrote a blog about this game... I feel just a little more pathetic.

"I tried to get my friends to play it, turns out, I'm a grown man..."- My favorite teacher

The Future

She never thinks about her future, it's million miles away

Him: You should look at Baruch
Me: Isn't that where you're going?
Him: You should look into going there


I think about the future all the time, its something that I truly worry about sometimes.
Where will I be in 5 years?

Ever play the '5 years' game? Its really scary when you do. The object of the game is to think about where all your friends will be in 5 years and then try and think about where you would be.

Me? I hope that I'm doing something with photography in 5 years. Its something that I'm passionate about. Showing people how I see things, making something beautiful just with a click of a button.

I have to take it slow though, I gotta look at colleges. Baruch seems like a really good place to go, plus, if I get in I'll have someone I know there with me. I have a million other places to look at.

Out of Nowhere

I can't do this. I can't not talk to you. I can't pass you in the hall, & pretend I don't care.


There are some thing's that you never see coming. If there is one thing I have learned, thing's happen unexpectedly. One minute you're good friends, and the next, he's the person you can't be without. 


The other part that you don't expect is the whole "Let's not make this obvious" act. So we go around acting like we don't know each other, until we get a moment alone, when we all of a sudden know everything about each other. 


I can't stand being in that kind of relationship with someone, but at the same time it's kind of exciting. Tricking everyone around us that we're not close and at the same time having this arsenal full of each other's secrets and wishes. 


Then, out of nowhere, thing's work out and we decide to tell people. That's when reality hits us and we realize that this might have been the biggest mistake we've ever made.