I promised...

"I always said I would never write a love song, but I ended up doing that anyway" ~ Amy Winehouse


I promised that he was going to be my last time getting that close to someone. I promised that I wouldn't let anyone in again. I promised that I would never say the words "I love you" to anyone else because it was too painful when those words turned to "I hate you".

I promised that I would never admit that I missed him.

That all happened anyway.

Granted when I told you I loved you it was more of a friendly thing and you had said it first but there was a hint of right in those words. I could possibly see myself feeling that way for you but there's no way I'm brave enough to admit it to your face.
Yes, I do miss him, all the time. What did you expect? He was my constant for two years, he was my rock. You helped me out of the mess I was in when I was having trouble coping with his absence and you became my rock, my constant, my everyday.
I don't like the fact that I'm getting so close, I don't want to cling to anyone anymore because it destroys me when they leave.
I'm afraid of all of it.

I promised I wouldn't be afraid... I ended up doing that anyway.

Disney Movies Ruined Everything

This has been spoken about many times. All girls say the same thing, Disney movies ruined our perceptions of life.

More specifically the Disney Princess movies.

First off all these girls are, like, 16 and they fall in love right away with their prince. What the fuck is this?! There is no such thing as love at first sight. Finding a prince and falling in love is the main goal for these girls. Really?! You can't find anything else to occupy yourself with?

Second they ruined the way I look at my hair. Jasmine has thick hair that goes down to her ass... I spent my entire childhood trying to get that hair. Guess what? It didn't fucking happen. Pocahantas had perfect hair all the time without a hair brush. Ariel's hair had to come from a bottle... No one is born with fire engine red hair. Belle tied her hair with a ribbon... Try to fucking do that, it doesn't work. Mulan cut her hair with a sword and it was perfect, I got a hair cut in freshman year and it just got perfect now... In senior year.

Third these girls were fucking sluts! Jasmine fell in love with a homeless boy and she always wore that slutty genie halloween costume. Snow White lived with seven midgets. Ariel wore a sea shell bra all over the place. Sleeping Beauty fell in love with a boy who kissed her while she was asleep. Not to mention Belle was screwing a dog.

Finally they taught me to fear old, fat, ugly people. A lot of the teachers I've had over the years have been old, fat, or ugly and they were okay. They're usually either sweet, adorable, or fucking crazy... But they were okay.

Fears

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”

I kind of get scared sometimes... Scared that you won't stick around like you say you will. You'll find someone who really "wows!" you.
Someone you can really connect with.

Maybe you won't. Maybe I'll get lucky and everyone is right, maybe we will get married and have a beautiful family together. Somehow I feel like that's just a pipe dream that you and I throw at each other.

We're both afraid of the same things. Heartbreak. Loneliness. Sadness. The fears we have in common are what we lean on each other with.

I'd like to think my place is a spot next to you... Let's hope you feel the same.